well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
