This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize