I feel great
I just peed on a car
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize