i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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