i may or may not be watching the land before time
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
