The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
be right there i have to get my cape
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
