I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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