went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Randomize
