I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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