Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize