Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
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