I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
