is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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