I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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