A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
