i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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