it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
