think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
