Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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