Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
