Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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