i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
