my vag is so smooth its legendary
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
