I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
