The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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