There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
