i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
