I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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