Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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