I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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