she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize