shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
