How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Sorry about my life...
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
