It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize