Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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