The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Randomize
