I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
