I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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