He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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