return my video game
i permit you to call me
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
