I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
