So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
