my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
