Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
