Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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