...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
