ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
