So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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