Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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