don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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