The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize