i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
