UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
