I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
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