i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
