You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
