I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
