you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
