I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
