my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
