We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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