my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
