I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
this hospital has no fireball
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
