I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
