your parents love me but you hate me
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
