A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Randomize
