Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
