yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
